Cranky Thoughts

By Marty Mulrooneycrank-2-high-voltage-1024-2

At the beginning of this week I went to see Crank 2 with a good friend of mine. Afterwards, I decided a film review was completely pointless. This is for several different reasons, as I will now try to explain:

crank-2-high-voltage-1024-1

  • Anybody who has seen the original Crank knows that this film was never going to be realistic, or tasteful. Case in point: within the first five minutes of this film, Jason Statham has already lubed up and inserted a shotgun into a bad guy’s anus to get some vital information. Didn’t like the first film? Don’t even dream of watching this, you will be disgusted. Honestly.
  • On the other hand, if you loved the outrageousness of the first film and want to see it topped, you won’t want to miss this. I didn’t think it was possible for it to raise the bar for shock value, but it really did.
  • This isn’t so much a film, as an experience. Sound cheesy? It is more true here than ever before. The film has constant references to retro video games, and Statham as Chev Chelios is basically an unstoppable force with unlimited lives. He has already survived falling out of a helicopter at the beginning of the first film. That ending would have stopped other franchises dead in their tracks. Then again, I guess the people who argue over THAT plot hole are kinda missing the point here. In the sequel, he has to keep his articficial heart beating by finding various sources of electricty. Yes, you read that right.
  • Statham knows full well what he is doing. This film is him basically goofing around and being outrageous and getting paid for it. He doesn’t care about the coolness of Frank Martin in the Transporter films here. Instead, he is happy to make a fool of himself and shoot guns and drive cars fast and film a sex scene at a race track whilst the crowd cheers him on… you get the idea. Oh, and lets not forget where he rubs himself up against a grandmother because he needs some static electricity to keep that heart pumping…
  • Seriously, this film is what I imagine drug taking would be like. At one point in a fight scene, the actors suddenly appear to be wearing huge paper mache heads of themselves, dwarfing a minature environment that they then procede to decimate like Godzilla. There is no explanation for this when they revert back to normal. Crazy.
  • The film’s ending is perfect. All the way up until the final, viewers may wonder if they should be enjoying this film as much as they are. Once the end is reached, you can’t help but smile. SO STUPID. No chance of a sequel after all that.  (There will of course be a sequel. ) I assume the majority of these viewers will be male, and know full well none of this is to be taken seriously. This is dumb entertainment, but it does entertain.
  • A newsreporter on British television reported that he had wanted to leave half way through the film because it was “depraved.” I think they should have that as a recommendation on the DVD/ Blu ray case actually.

In short, I loved this film, even though on every single level as a film it kinda sucked. It wasn’t as fresh as the first film. The script was paper-thin, characters 2 dimensional, action completely unbelievable, jokes in bad taste, plenty of extreme violence… I can’t recommend this film to anyone with a clear conscience. This one is going to be like marmite, trust me. I can say this though. If the following two images make you smile… check it out in cinemas now. Depravity at its finest.

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